Indian women and marriage

As usual I was just browsing some blogs , and I came across quite a few of them on the state of Indian women today.

As I am reading them , I have confusing thoughts myself . Do I have the same feelings as they have and do I think in the same direction? So here is this post to sort out my thoughts and feelings in this aspect.I have put few questions to myself and tried to answer those .

But most of my thoughts are based on what is happening around me and not with me , and so I might not be fully right in my views. My opinion is that you can only know the truth and what exactly is one going through , the causes for such a situation ,etc only when YOU have gone through it. Everything else is just an opinion(sometimes biased) and perspective of a person viewing the whole situation from outside.

Here we go :

1.Is feminism one of the main reasons for an increase in divorces?
   - No. In past ( and in present ) too there were lot of marriages which went wrong , but due to many reasons( mostly due to fear of reactions from society ) , the couple adjusted and compromised even though they were not happy with the marriage and lived like unhappy strangers in the same house. I would say though not legally separated , this was a case of divorce too. So it is a good thing that two persons who have decided that they cannot live together get separated and take their own paths.BUT the relationship should be given enough time and chance before it is ended.

2.Regarding marriage being thrust upon a girl
   Yes , this is a big problem. I have experienced this myself and I also see people around me going through this.I would say that getting married is a person's own choice and others have no role to play here and all their opinions,suggestions and advice are unasked for and not welcome ( I think this is something I myself should follow too , and have not done so few times in past ) .And it is high time that parents start realizing that girls should be given enough time and independence for settling down with a life partner. They are mature enough to take care of themselves and can plan their life.But yes , I would say , marriage is a good thing to get into.It is not just responsibility and commitments but also a relationship where in you have someone always with you to support you emotionally and with whom you can share your happiness and sorrows :).

3.Is marriage a barrier for an woman in her career/studies/any other aspirations?
   No.Not at all.Yes I agree that once married we will have some responsibility towards the family and before taking any decision, we might have to consider a few more aspects ( which we need not if we are single ) , but if our goals are clear and we have a strong will to achieve them and have proper plans in place,marriage is not at all a barrier for achieving any of our dreams.

4.And finally , do I hate being an Indian woman?
   No , I do not hate it as such. But yes , sadly it is true that the state of women in India is far worse than most of the countries.I am not really sure how happy women are in other countries.If I have to speak for myself , I am happy here in India having a loving family supporting me ,studying what I was interested in and also working in an area of my interest.But , yes , it is not the same in all cases , and I have seen lot of women struggling with their day to day lives so much so that after sometime they even forget that they had some ambitions and aspirations for themselves.So to this , I would say , yes it is difficult being an Indian woman, but I for myself, do not hate it.

Below are the blogs about which I was talking about :

http://indianhomemaker.wordpress.com/2010/10/22/feminism-has-gone-to-womens-head-divorce-has-become-like-selling-onions/
http://nirjharani.blogspot.com/2010/10/yes-i-am-single-so.html
http://heyithinkthisway.wordpress.com/2010/07/27/i-hate-being-an-indian-woman/

ಗೃಹಭಂಗ - ಎಸ್.ಎಲ್.ಭೈರಪ್ಪ

ಕೆಲವು ದಿನಗಳ ಹಿಂದಷ್ಟೇ ಈ ಪುಸ್ತಕವನ್ನು ಓದಿ ಮುಗಿಸಿದೆ.ಇದರ ಕಥೆ,ನಿರೂಪಣೆ,ಪಾತ್ರಗಳು ಮನಸ್ಸಿಗೆ ಬಹಳ ಹಿಡಿಸಿತು.ಮತ್ತೊಮ್ಮೆ ಓದಬೇಕೆನಿಸಿ,ಪುನಃ ಓದುತಿದ್ದೇನೆ :) . ಹಾಗೆ ಇದರ ಬಗ್ಗೆ ಇಲ್ಲಿಯೂ ಕೂಡ ಬರೆಯಬೇಕೆನಿಸಿತು.ಇದು ಧಾರಾವಾಹಿಯಾಗಿ ಬರುತ್ತಿತು ಕೂಡ.ಆದರೆ ನಾನು ನೋಡಿಲ್ಲ.

ಈ ಕಥೆ ಶುರುವಿನಲ್ಲಿ , ಶಿವಮೊಗ್ಗದ ಹತ್ತಿರ ಒಂದು ಹಳ್ಳಿಯಲ್ಲಿ ಇರುವ ವಿಧವೆ ಗಂಗಮ್ಮ ಹಾಗು ಅವಳ ಇಬ್ಬರು ಗಂಡು ಮಕ್ಕಳ ಪರಿಚಯವಾಗುತ್ತದೆ.ಗಂಗಮ್ಮ ವಾಚಾಳಿ , ಒರಟು ಹೆಂಗಸು.ಬಾಯಿ ಬಿಟ್ಟರೆ ಕೆಟ್ಟ ಮಾತುಗಳೇ.ಮಕ್ಕಳೂ ತಾಯಿಯಂತೆ ಸ್ವಭಾವ.ಯಾರು ಹೇಗಾದರೂ ಕಷ್ಟ ಪಡಲಿ,ತಮಗೆ ಹೊಟ್ಟೆ ತುಂಬಾ ಊಟ,ಕಣ್ತುಂಬ ನಿದ್ದೆಯಾದರೆ ಆಯಿತು.ತಂದೆ ಸಾಕಷ್ಟು ಆಸ್ತಿ ಮಾಡಿಟ್ಟಿರುವುದರಿಂದ ಜೀವನಕ್ಕೆ ತೊಂದರೆ ಏನಿಲ್ಲ.

ಇಂತಹ ಕುಟುಂಬಕ್ಕೆ ಹಿರಿಯ ಸೊಸೆಯಾಗಿ ಬರುವಳು ನಂಜಮ್ಮ.ಏತಕ್ಕೂ ಪ್ರಯೋಜನವಿಲ್ಲದ ಗಂಡನ ಶ್ಯಾನುಬೋಗಿಕೆಯನ್ನು ಸಹ ತಾನೇ ನಿಭಾಯಿಸಿ ಹೇಗೋ ಸಂಸಾರ ಮಾಡುತ್ತಾಳೆ.ತನ್ನ ಗಂಡ ಅತ್ತೆ ಹಾಗು ಮೈದುನರ ದಡ್ಡತನ ಹಾಗು ಸೋಂಬೇರಿತನದಿಂದಾಗಿ ಇದ್ದ ಆಸ್ತಿಯೆಲ್ಲವು ಕಳೆದುಹೋದರೂ ಸಹ ಹೇಗೋ ಕಷ್ಟ ಹಾಗು ಬುದ್ಧಿವಂತಿಕೆಯಿಂದ ಜೀವನ ನಡೆಸುತ್ತಿರುತ್ತಾಳೆ. ಹೀಗೆ ಈ ಕಥೆಯಲ್ಲಿ ,ಒಂದು ಹಳ್ಳಿಯಲ್ಲಿ ದಿನದಿನದ ಊಟಕ್ಕೂ ಸಹ ಪಡಬೇಕಾದ ಕಷ್ಟ , ಗಂಡ ಹೇಗೆ ಇದ್ದರು ಹೊಂದಿಕೊಳ್ಳಲೇಬೇಕಾದ ಪರಿಸ್ತಿತಿ , ಮಕ್ಕಳನ್ನು ಓಧಿಸಲು ಪಡಬೇಕಾದ ಪಾಡು,  ಮನಸನ್ನು ತಟ್ಟುವಂತೆ ಮೂಡಿಬರುತ್ತವೆ.

ಈ ಎಲ್ಲ ಕಷ್ಟಗಳ ಮಧ್ಯೆ , ನಂಜಮ್ಮನ ಮಕ್ಕಳಿಗೆ ಪ್ಲೇಗು ರೋಗ ತಗುಲಿ ಮೂರರಲ್ಲಿ ಎರಡು ಮಕ್ಕಳನ್ನು ಕಳೆದುಕೊಳ್ಳುತ್ತಾಳೆ.ನಂತರ ತಾನೇ ಈ ರೋಗಕ್ಕೆ ಬಲಿಯಾಗುತ್ತಾಳೆ.ಇದಿಷ್ಟು ಕಥೆಯ ಬಹಳ ಚಿಕ್ಕ ಸಾರಾಂಶ.ಇದರಲ್ಲಿ ಬರುವ ಎಲ್ಲ ಪಾತ್ರಗಳು ಬಹಳ ನೈಜವಾಗಿವೆ.ಕಥೆಯ ಯಾವುದೇ ವಿವರಣೆ ಬರಿಯ ಕಥೆ ಅನಿಸದೆ , ಯಾವುದೇ ಹಳ್ಳಿಯಲ್ಲಿ ನಡೆಯಬಹುದಾದ ಘಟನೆಗಳೇ ಆಗಿವೆ.

ಹೀಗೆ ಓದುತ್ತಿರಬೇಕಾದರೆ ಮನಸಿನಲ್ಲಿ ಒಂದು ವಿಚಾರ ಬಂದಿತು.ಒಂದು ವೇಳೆ ನಾನು ನಂಜಮ್ಮನ ಜಾಗದಲ್ಲಿ ಇದ್ದಿದರೆ ಏನು ಮಾಡುತ್ತಿದೆ ಎಂದು.ತಕ್ಷಣ ಅನಿಸಿದ್ದು "ಇಂತಹ ಕೆಟ್ಟ ಗಂಡನ ಜೊತೆ ಕಂಡಿತ ನಾನು ಇರುತ್ತಿರಲಿಲ್ಲ. ಅವನನ್ನು ಬಿಟ್ಟು ನನ್ನ ಜೀವನ ನಾನು ಮಾಡುತ್ತಿದ್ದೆ".ಆದರೆ ನನಗೆ ಇದು ಸುಲಭವೆನಿಸಬಹುದು.ಆದರೆ ಆರ್ಥಿಕವಾಗಿ ಸ್ವಾವಲಂಭಿಯಿಲ್ಲದಿದ್ದರೆ  ಈ ನಿಟ್ಟಿನಲ್ಲಿ ಯೋಚಿಸುವುದೂ ಕಷ್ಟವೇ.ಅದಕ್ಕೆ ಅಲ್ಲವೇ ಸ್ತ್ರೀ ಶಿಕ್ಷಣ ಅಷ್ಟೊಂದು ಮಹತ್ವ ಪಡೆಯುವುದು.

ಈ ಕಥೆಯ ಕೊನೆಯ ದೃಶ್ಯ ಮನತಟ್ಟುವಂತಿದೆ.ನಂಜಮ್ಮನ ಕೊನೆಯ ಮಗನನ್ನು ಯಾರೂ ಜವಾಬ್ದಾರಿಯಿಂದ ಸಾಕುವವರು ಇಲ್ಲದೆ, ಊರಿನ ದಾಸಯ್ಯನವರು ತಮ್ಮೊಡನೆ ಕರೆದೊಯ್ಯುತಾರೆ .ದಾರಿಯಲ್ಲಿ ತಾಂಬೂಲ ಅಗಿಯುತ್ತ ಮರದಡಿ ಮಲಗಿದ್ದ ನಂಜಮ್ಮನ ಗಂಡ, ತನ್ನ ಮಗನನ್ನು ಯಾರೋ ಕರೆದುಕೊಂಡು ಹೋಗುತ್ತಿರುವುದನ್ನು ಕಂಡೂ ಸಹ,ಬಾಯಲ್ಲಿರುವ ತಾಂಬೂಲವನ್ನು ಉಗಿದರೆ ಸುಮ್ಮನೆ ದಂಡ ಅನಿಸಿ ಸುಮ್ಮನೆ ಮಲಗುವನು.ಇದು ನಂಜಮ್ಮ ತನ್ನ ಜೀವನವಿಡಿ ಪಟ್ಟ ಪಾಡಿಗೆ ಕನ್ನಡಿ ಹಿಡಿಯುವಂತ ದೃಶ್ಯವಾಗಿದೆ.

Thoughts for the day

Its time to pour down my thoughts here again :) So here I go :

• Div shifted to Mangalore , but it still hasn't gone into my head that she is not in Bangalore. I guess the fact will start to show its effect once we have our group meets anytime soon .. :-|
• We (friends) had planned for Kerala trip this weekend. All was set ( bus,train booked hotel booked ) but it got canceled or rather we have postponed it. Major disappointment to everyone involved :( But ,its ok. We will plan and have the trip soon  :)
• I was wondering few days back as to how life changes in just a span of an year or so. First 2 years in SASKEN ,we were so carefree , had lots of fun :) And then in the next year ,one by one ,each of us started changing jobs. And within another year , all girls in the group got married. And another year passes,and each of us ( almost ) are in different places now.But ,we are still great friends and our friendship has just become stronger in these years :)
• TV shows I am watching these days : India's got talent , few episodes of Sasural genda phool .I felt that the latter one is an exception to the kind of serials which I was talking about here.It shows a joint family with all members supporting each other , and having fun and good times in their day to day life.
• Have made a todo list for myself . Putting it here so that I can update again next week as to how much I have followed it :P . List looks like this :

            1.Get up at 6
            2.1/2 an hour walk+Yoga
            3.No to coffee
            4. No to junk food
            5.Sleep by 9 45 in the night.

     Well , not that difficult things to do. But just have to pull myself up and start following atleast these things properly.Lets see what will be the status of these by next Sunday. Will come and update here ;)

• Got some new clothes for the trip , now I have wear them to office :P Or shall keep them till the next trip.. No , I'll buy more for the next one :D

I am signing off here :) Hope the forthcoming week has some brighter things in store for all of us :)