Indian women and marriage

As usual I was just browsing some blogs , and I came across quite a few of them on the state of Indian women today.

As I am reading them , I have confusing thoughts myself . Do I have the same feelings as they have and do I think in the same direction? So here is this post to sort out my thoughts and feelings in this aspect.I have put few questions to myself and tried to answer those .

But most of my thoughts are based on what is happening around me and not with me , and so I might not be fully right in my views. My opinion is that you can only know the truth and what exactly is one going through , the causes for such a situation ,etc only when YOU have gone through it. Everything else is just an opinion(sometimes biased) and perspective of a person viewing the whole situation from outside.

Here we go :

1.Is feminism one of the main reasons for an increase in divorces?
   - No. In past ( and in present ) too there were lot of marriages which went wrong , but due to many reasons( mostly due to fear of reactions from society ) , the couple adjusted and compromised even though they were not happy with the marriage and lived like unhappy strangers in the same house. I would say though not legally separated , this was a case of divorce too. So it is a good thing that two persons who have decided that they cannot live together get separated and take their own paths.BUT the relationship should be given enough time and chance before it is ended.

2.Regarding marriage being thrust upon a girl
   Yes , this is a big problem. I have experienced this myself and I also see people around me going through this.I would say that getting married is a person's own choice and others have no role to play here and all their opinions,suggestions and advice are unasked for and not welcome ( I think this is something I myself should follow too , and have not done so few times in past ) .And it is high time that parents start realizing that girls should be given enough time and independence for settling down with a life partner. They are mature enough to take care of themselves and can plan their life.But yes , I would say , marriage is a good thing to get into.It is not just responsibility and commitments but also a relationship where in you have someone always with you to support you emotionally and with whom you can share your happiness and sorrows :).

3.Is marriage a barrier for an woman in her career/studies/any other aspirations?
   No.Not at all.Yes I agree that once married we will have some responsibility towards the family and before taking any decision, we might have to consider a few more aspects ( which we need not if we are single ) , but if our goals are clear and we have a strong will to achieve them and have proper plans in place,marriage is not at all a barrier for achieving any of our dreams.

4.And finally , do I hate being an Indian woman?
   No , I do not hate it as such. But yes , sadly it is true that the state of women in India is far worse than most of the countries.I am not really sure how happy women are in other countries.If I have to speak for myself , I am happy here in India having a loving family supporting me ,studying what I was interested in and also working in an area of my interest.But , yes , it is not the same in all cases , and I have seen lot of women struggling with their day to day lives so much so that after sometime they even forget that they had some ambitions and aspirations for themselves.So to this , I would say , yes it is difficult being an Indian woman, but I for myself, do not hate it.

Below are the blogs about which I was talking about :

http://indianhomemaker.wordpress.com/2010/10/22/feminism-has-gone-to-womens-head-divorce-has-become-like-selling-onions/
http://nirjharani.blogspot.com/2010/10/yes-i-am-single-so.html
http://heyithinkthisway.wordpress.com/2010/07/27/i-hate-being-an-indian-woman/

Thoughts for the day

Its time to pour down my thoughts here again :) So here I go :

• Div shifted to Mangalore , but it still hasn't gone into my head that she is not in Bangalore. I guess the fact will start to show its effect once we have our group meets anytime soon .. :-|
• We (friends) had planned for Kerala trip this weekend. All was set ( bus,train booked hotel booked ) but it got canceled or rather we have postponed it. Major disappointment to everyone involved :( But ,its ok. We will plan and have the trip soon  :)
• I was wondering few days back as to how life changes in just a span of an year or so. First 2 years in SASKEN ,we were so carefree , had lots of fun :) And then in the next year ,one by one ,each of us started changing jobs. And within another year , all girls in the group got married. And another year passes,and each of us ( almost ) are in different places now.But ,we are still great friends and our friendship has just become stronger in these years :)
• TV shows I am watching these days : India's got talent , few episodes of Sasural genda phool .I felt that the latter one is an exception to the kind of serials which I was talking about here.It shows a joint family with all members supporting each other , and having fun and good times in their day to day life.
• Have made a todo list for myself . Putting it here so that I can update again next week as to how much I have followed it :P . List looks like this :

            1.Get up at 6
            2.1/2 an hour walk+Yoga
            3.No to coffee
            4. No to junk food
            5.Sleep by 9 45 in the night.

     Well , not that difficult things to do. But just have to pull myself up and start following atleast these things properly.Lets see what will be the status of these by next Sunday. Will come and update here ;)

• Got some new clothes for the trip , now I have wear them to office :P Or shall keep them till the next trip.. No , I'll buy more for the next one :D

I am signing off here :) Hope the forthcoming week has some brighter things in store for all of us :) 

Thoughts for the day

The days seem to be just flying. Feels like yesterday that we went to Mayya's , struggled with the stairs and lift there to get to top floor and after reaching there , found that we will get our turn only after 1 our or so :P Yes , this was last weekend and already weekend is here again :D As I was saying, its like the weeks , the months are just flying and I don’t know if I must feel good or bad about it. Good because , this feeling ( time flying fast ) means that I am keeping myself engaged and busy in work and at home, and not just lazing around and waiting for the time to pass :D Bad cos , the days are just passing and I will be one more year older soon :D But , I am never much bothered about my age and 25 is not much of an age to bother about I guess :D So , nothing much bad about this after all.

I have seen an increase in the number of beggars near signals these days. And I am really in a dilemma whether to give money to them or not. I don’t think much if it is an old person. But I really don’t know what to do when some child , or some lady with a baby in hand , etc come asking for money. I really feel sad and want to give money , but other side of me says that it is not good to encourage this kind of a thing by giving money.

All my friends seem to be doing the vanishing act these days. Many of them have gone on-site , and few are in unavailable state ;) So , there has been less meet ups , very less or no trips nowadays . Good thing is Ashu is coming back this month end :) Hope things fall back into place soon :)

Deepu keeps asking me now and then as to what my goal in life is. I have really thought hard and have decided that my goal is to travel as much as possible and visit as many places in this world as possible before I die :D . Deepu says , this is not such a proper goal , and I should have some professional goal as well . My traveling goal falls into personal category I guess :D Well as far as my professional life is concerned , I still have to figure out that "BIG" goal :D

My wardrobe is one big mess right now :( ( Its all Yashu's fault , not mine :P :D ) .Everyday I think that I will arrange it in the coming weekend , but I get lazy during weekends to do that . I really admire people who keep all their things properly in place . Also girls who take so much care about having right set of clothes for all occasions  and also matching accessories for all those sets .May be I should make a resolution right now that I will keep my things properly from now and spend some more time and put some more effort on the way I look every time I step out of my house :P ;) This weekend , I will be in Davangere , so once I am back from there , I will start working on these things :D ( Hopefully ;) )

New recipes tried out : Only one . Tried out gojjavalakki , and it turned out pretty ok :) Need to try out more recipes. I myself have got bored with things I am preparing and there is a need to add some new and exciting items to my menu :D

OK! That's it as of now .More thoughts in future posts :D

serial killers

No no , I don't really know any serial killer as such , nor will I try to go into any serial killer's mentality :D But this is about something which is as dangerous as a serial killer is.At least that is what I felt after watching them for few days now , when I was on leave , thanks to throat infection , cold , fever , etc , etc ;) Actually , no etcs . Its just throat infection , cold  and fever :D

OK coming back to the topic..oh.. I haven't mentioned the topic till now . Its about these mega serials which are aired almost all the time in all the channels ;) I have started watching some of these in recent past. Its not that I watch them regularly , but just rush through them while browsing channels. Actually I don't have enough patience to sit and watch the same story for half an hour or more and then follow it up daily :P Some points , well lets say , some aspects which are sometimes irritating , annoying , amusing , amazing ,funny , etc about these serials from my point of view ;)

All people seem to wear designer clothes all the time , even when they are at home , while cooking and sleeping as well :P Yes, the ladies ,even when they go to sleep , are draped in heavy sarees , with full make up on ! It seems that the guys get to wear some modern wear ( jeans , T-shirts and other stuff ) , but even they wear the same things to bed :P I was just wondering , if people start dressing themselves up so intricately on a daily basis , half the day would be just gone in dressing up and down :D Does anyone know if in any part of country, people being like this? No idea! :D

Almost in all serials , there is a devoted wife who is trying hard to keep her husband to herself . And there is this other lady who is trying hard to snatch the husband using her charms and evil plans :D And the poor husband does almost fall into the trap of the evil lady , while the wife is still trying her best , by being sincere , loving and all that :P Give me a break! :P :D Can't they be a little more practical :P Why would an educated , good looking and self-dependent girl go after some useless guy who is already someone's husband :P And why would a lady continue to be devoted and loving to her husband even after knowing that he can fall for any other woman who comes after him :P But may be this is what the audience today enjoy watching .That's why they are using this theme in almost all the serials today :P

I don't see any serial which will cheer you up after watching it .In almost every serial , somebody or the other is crying and somebody or the other is trying to make someone cry :P It will not be a wonder if we are in a mental shock after watching these for few hours :D

I thought that the world is changing .Girls have more rights and respect these days. And people are much more broad-minded and less superstitious than they were , lets say a decade or more ago . But these serials do not want to change. They still show husbands dominating wives , and wives meekly following every order of husbands' , even if he is bad to core, there is child marriage being glorified in one serial where they depict it as if its nice to get married while you are kids and then grow up together , another one where they show a girl's parents going and begging the guy's parents to accept their daughter's hand :P , and so on . The list is endless. I wonder how the TRPs of these serials are high ..

I may be wrong in saying that everything is good in every other family in all over the world . But I think that it is the responsibility of the makers of these shows to give out positive and good ideas to so many people watching these shows regularly and not fill their mind with such backward,negative and stupid ideas :P

Yes , its a NO!

YES! It is difficult to say "NO" . At least that is the case with me , or shall I say , that was the case with me.

I always found it very difficult to say no when anyone asked me to do anything. I thought saying no would be rude. I really don’t know why it was so difficult for me ,for so many years ,because now I can easily do it ;) .If anyone asks me anything , willing or not willing , with a smile I would say yes and then put myself into difficulty.I guess lot of people might face the same problem.

But gradually , I have realized that it is better and more practical to say no when the thing asked is out of our scope , or when we are not at all willing to do that favor, help  or any commitment that is asked of us. Guess this is one of the many lessons that I have learnt out of my experiences in life ;) . It is not that I have totally overcome this weakness of not saying no. I still find it difficult with my family and close friends. But to an extent , I have improved. I am much much better than what I was few years back :)

Now , in any situation , when anything is asked of me , I think twice before saying yes to it. I have realized that it is good for me and the other person as well. Saying yes , and then struggling to do whatever is asked of , and then the end results might not be as expected. So , in first case itself if we had said no , other person would plan something else and results might be much better. One more hazard of saying yes always is , others' expectations from us is always high . They get so used to getting an yes from us that , sometimes they don’t even bother to ask us ;)

So , I will conclude saying that whenever anyone asks anything from us , lets think practically and not emotionally before saying yes or no.

This will surely make things much clearer on either side and avoid any future complications ;)

This is how I started ;)

So here I am , finally starting my blog :)

Nothing to be written as of now , and I don't know what exactly I will be writing in future as well ;) But I have been having so many thoughts running in my mind these days . So will try to put atleast some of them here ;)
 Thats it for now. Hope I will come up with something soon ;)