This is a question to all married ladies out there ;) I am only talking about arranged marriage here , since the process and thoughts might be totally different in case of a love marriage.
So, when a girl meets a guy , how does she know whether he is the right person or not? During my pre-marriage days , I was discussing this with Pavan , and we had concluded that when we meet the right person , a bell will ring inside our head/heart ( we were kind of confused as to where exactly it will ring :D) .
So did the bells ring for me when I met Deepu? At least for me , they partially rang even before I met him ;) .I was impressed with the fact that he wanted to speak to me on phone before coming to my place or meeting my parents.And I was double impressed when he said on phone that he wanted to meet me so that we could exchange our thoughts , before he or his parents would come to my place.I really liked that he was not adhering to this stupid process of coming to a girl's place with parents to "see" the girl , where neither the girl nor the guy would get enough time and space to speak to each other.
And when I met him , we got enough time to speak about our expectations and we were comfortable in each other's company.May be it was also pretty comfortable because our parents were not around ;) .
So that was the case with me.But was I sure of of my choice once I said yes? Hm , well up to an extent yes.But , there was this fear that something might go wrong and I might not have made the right decision.I guess all girls will have a little fear in this phase :) .But , after an year and more of married life , I can happily say that I made the right decision :)
But is it as easy as that in all cases? What is the right formula for choosing the right guy? I really do not know even now. Some people prepare a set of questions to ask the guy when they meet him.My ex-roommate had forwarded one such set to me long back. Though I didn't use them when I met Deepu , I did ask him all those questions later :D
General questions
- Are you ready for marriage?
- How would you describe yourself? How do you like to spend your free time?
- How do you feel about smoking and/or drinking?
- What are you looking for in a spouse?
- How much time do you need to decide?
- What are your preferences, in terms of food?
- What are your pet peeves?
- How do you act when you get upset?
- How do you feel about pets?
- What is your family like?
Professional queries
- What career path do you plan on taking?
- How ambitious are you?
- How much time do you spend at work?
- How do you plan to balance work and family life?
General questions that could be asked once you get familiar:
- What are your likes and dislikes?
- How do you act when you get upset?
- How often will we visit our extended family (if staying apart from them)?
- Do you believe in sharing housework?
Appropriate questions on the profession front:
- What are your future career plans?
- How much time do you spend at work?
- Are you looking for a working wife, housewife, or is it immaterial to you?
- What would we do in the situation that I get transferred?
:D Such a big list right? I am not sure if this would help , but it will surely help you know a little more about the person :)
Well , if any of you know more about the right formula for this , do let it know in your comments :D And I wish all the best ( and some luck too ? ;) ) to all those girls who are in this confusing phase of life :)
16 comments:
Hehe Rash.. Nice Post! :)
I also have bothered u many times asking the same Q to u ansathe? How did u decide anta? :P Heheh Nice Nice :)
Why did you address only to gals? Even guys face this problem :P. And that questionnaire is stupid alright :D Anyways, useful post ;)
Thanks Sadhana :)
@ Pavan : you can write the other side of the story once the bells ring for you ;)
Ya,that questionnaire might not be that useful :D May be we should work on this and prepare a better one :D Would be an interesting activity :D
Rash, I feel tat questionnaire is the most stupidest thing :P.. I rather take the "Ringing of Bells" as a good sign than finding the person who answers that questionnaire to ur expectations..:P.. Those questions asked by a gal is the greatest turn off atleast for me :P...
Nice post Rashmi.
I enjoyed it reading for there are positive remarks about me :)
List down top 10 ways way to know if a person is sensible or not (guy/gal) Even others can contribute
nice post rashmi.. i remember u had taken a printout of that questionaire but never used it :D
guess all the running ard in landmark rung the bell ;)
abbha!! the questions r more tougher than our VTU questions :P ...but some hw i feel even the bell may start ringing after sometimes ,after get to knw abt tht person partially atleast...;). Bell ring agdhaley edrey namma DDLJ style alli ondh bell kotrey aythu :D
nice post rashmi... :-)
Ringing of bell hmm filmy istyle :-)
Thanks Div :) No I didn't take a printout , but had just kept that mail ;)Ya Landmark has a big role in ringing the bell :D :D
@John and Pavan : So one point coming out of your comments is that guys would think a pre-thought set of questions as stupid and turn-off :D BUT if the girl feels she needs to ask some , then its her choice :D
@Krish : Full PJ nindu :P Ya I know , in most cases , it will take sometime for the bell to ring :D
Thanks Bala , Ya full filmy style (DTPH? ) :D
Hmmm.. Though it's mentioned that it's for married women, I have a few views to share too ;)
First of all, good post Rash! :)
Well, I feel arranged marriage is a gamble! It's pure luck! You can never be SURE if the person you are getting married to is right for you, unless you get to spend enough time with them. Coz' your parents would've chosen the guy/girl for you. And do parents know what you are, completely??( I know Rash you are planning write your next post on this.. Kalli. Always stealing others' ideas.. ;) )
How often does it happen that our first impression on somebody turns out to be right? How many times hasn't our impression on somebody changed after being with them for a while..? :)
About you Rash, I know how apprehensive you were before marriage!! :) I'm happy you met your Mr.Perfect!! :) But it can be the other way round for some. Their doubts might actually be true! :) My friend says arranged marriage is an adventure. Hope it doesn't become a misadventure to anyone!! :)
@Yash
I guess i strongly disagree with u (ther is always an argument whenever ther comes arranged or love marriage discussion).. I guess marriage is all abt compromising each other .. U may never find a perfect but u can make it perfect... Its easy for us to adapt to a change rather than searching for Mr/Ms right.U never knw, ppl do change after marriage(one who r perfect before marriage may turn out to be something else,which is more dissappointing right?) ... And atleast before getting marriage ur parents must hv done basic background check(ya even their surrounding determines wht kind of peson they r)... And we love gambling :D
Hehe.. You are right! There's always some argument when it comes to this topic. You know what, I actually hadn't commented on this post for the same reason. Rash was like it's okay, you can write.. So I wrote.. I may be immature in whatever I've said.. But for now, that is how I see it.. :) :)
I know there cannot be a Mr.Perfect or Ms.Perfect.. I was just talking about the compatibility factor. I agree there has to be some amount of compromise. But
'how much' of compromise you are making will decide if you are really happy in the relationship. Because it's not a matter of one or two days. It's something you have to deal with for the rest of your life :) Sometimes it so happens that how much ever we try, we cannot get along with a few people. This we realize only after being with them for a while. Initially we feel they are fine.. :) My last comment is on the same line :)
Lol.. I think we just vary in our levels of maturity.. You see it in a more mature way than I do, maybe :)
U r more than matured for ur age ;).......In order to be happy in a married life,compromise should happen from both the side ... but i always feel relationship gets matured along with age..As u spend more time with somebody,ur bondage will grow stronger,initially ther may be some hiccups....
Thts y i always see a happy old coupls, they have tamed their relationship so much tht both cant live without each other :)... It builds with age and maturity .. ;)
@rash: ayyo..i think i had posted something:p..guess it dint get posted...whomsoever mayb the person u decide to spend ur entire life( whether choosin it on ur own or letting someone take the big step on ur behalf)..it is imp to be clear on what u cannot take in life...whether from urself..or from someone close...what can be adjustable and wat not..all other things is just a matter of choice...whether we wud want to bend and how much to bend and still not feel as if v r doing it for them but for US ;)...relationships require not just initial caring..but nuturing and relishing all its bearings all thru life :)..afterall...tats y it called a COMMITMENT...tats wat it is ;)
Looks like Krish and Yashu have different outlook towards marriage :) I agree with you Yashu ,we never know if we are saying yes to the right person,but as Krish says , it is also in our hands to make the relationship work :) But Krish , I don't like your " happy old couple" idea :P I would prefer it to be " happy young couple" and happy till death :)
Totally agree with u ashu , even though we need to compromise , the compromise shouldn't make us feel sad about it.
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